You might still have cards up your sleeve, but my instinct overwhelms my curiosity for now. Perhaps deep inside I want you here, by my side, even for just a few weeks. Come on, who doesn’t? But I have promised myself just a few weeks ago to not breach into the romance zone with whosoever. And now, the promise had been broken. This opportunity, however, gives me time to uncover everything you still hide from me. I have got the first clues. The slight pause-and-chuckle before you said you will be here for “art business” is a sign that you were lying. If I were talking straight to your face, perhaps you will be averting your eyes to the right for about two seconds and putting your hand over your mouth before saying anything. Every piece of your behavior has always been on my watch. Nonetheless, I have promised you a place to stay. You said you will be coming in the next few days when I least expect it — alas, you are always acting beyond my expectation. Now, in the supermarket, my grocery shopping suddenly weigh more than before, as if expecting you to come and dine at any minute. Well, I can eat all of these by myself anyway, no regrets shopping more for once in a while. At home, she calls. I ignore it. She calls again. I am still not picking up. The third time she calls, I turn off the phone and browse for flight tickets. See, I got bored easily and always plan for an escape for about a week once in a few months, regardless of my schedule on that week. And most of the times it stays a plan. Thailand? Uninteresting. Greece? Political turbulence. Russia? Cold. Brazil? …too crowded? Still, wherever I go, a company would be nice. You. You would make a good company. I clean up a poster of High Fidelity that you bought at Singapore last year for me. I hated the movie, but you bought it anyway just to annoy me, and I can’t help but hang it on the wall as a memento of your cutesy ways to remind me of you. When she asked about it, I said it is my favorite flick ever. As I re-hang the poster, I notice that I have just cleaned up everything in here, as if you were going to be mad if I never take proper care of my residence. Which you always do. Am I expecting you? The air around me is full of self-denial. will you ring my bell?
I am deep in my contemplation as my stereo shuffles the least proper song for the night. Transatlanticism. I chuckle a bit, as I cannot help but sing slowly, I need you so much closer…
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