Shit

I should leave this page, this blog, this situation. I should more consentrate with my final exam. But what the fuck I stilll waste my time on this page, on this blog, on this fucking situation. How can I leave at all? How? I rare feel confort about something, but when I fell it suddenly it dissepear. And then, that single thought, reminded me of you again. Packing would be easy. Wrapping up my “unfinished business” with you would not be. Conceivably, enigmatically inside my veins, I do not want anything between us to end. I would rather have you being mad at me until you know when, so I would always have a reason to keep coming back to you. I miss you. Still. No text message from you at all. I am tired of this hide-and-seek game. There are too many things I wonder about. Do you still call out my name when you are asleep - just like the old times? Because I still do and sometimes I don’t want the habit to diminish. Do you miss caressing my feet with yours before we doze off? I would not give a shit about how you would respond anymore. I long for you and I believe hearing some abridged greetings from you over the phone would be more than enough, let alone being able to have lunch together once again. I want to see you before I leave.

Indeed, there comes the chance to meet that mybest friend again. With a boyfriend. After long moments of silence of me being deep in thought, I finally wakes her up and pays the bill of saying goodbye. “Next time it’s on you”, she says with a cheeky smile while waving goodbye. I smile back, slightly happy knowing I have made new friends, but inside I am left wandering. The happiness is real. All I have to do is keep my ears open for the heartfelt click.